


The Bombs that Push Us Forward

by sorawings



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Married Life, Memories, Mind Meld, Someone hug Bones please, also Jim is going out of his mind, but not really, fluffy fluff fluff, getting old and retiring together, puppy, sort of character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 11:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2849129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorawings/pseuds/sorawings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Spock Prime mind melded with Jim on Delta Vega, he wasn't aware that Jim saw more than just Nero and Spock's story.</p><p>Or, how Jim finally realizes that he and Bones should bone. He keeps walking around and being suddenly assaulted with memories of Jim and Bones' married life in the original Trek universe and doesn't know what to do with them (or himself).</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bombs that Push Us Forward

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GoWashTheLights](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoWashTheLights/gifts).



> This is my fic for the USS Secret Santa! I was given the lovely [gowashthelights](http://gowashthelights.tumblr.com) as my recipient (victim). I looked at her tumblr (stalked her) and saw that she wanted fluffy fluffy fluff and smut.
> 
> I have tried to oblige ^_^
> 
> Also!!!! This work was beta-ed by the most wonderful (and glorious) [youwerealwayscountingdown!](http://youwerealwayscountingdown.tumblr.com) Any remaining mistakes are my own!

James Tiberius Kirk was only too aware that it had been 3 weeks, 2 days, and some amount of hours since he melded with Spock Prime.

When Jim had first come back from meeting Spock Prime on Delta Vega, he was able to keep busy with the simple task of _saving the world_ in order to avoid thinking about it.

_It. Them. The memories._

When Spock’ melded with Jim, it had been an image dump. He had transferred memories to Jim with the intention of catching him up on events, and he succeeded. What Spock’ didn’t seem to be aware of is that some other memories snuck their way into Jim’s brain as well. Now he couldn’t get them _out of his head_. They didn’t even act like the memories he had intentionally been made privy to. Instead, they sat in his brain like ticking time bombs and came out without warning.

The first one had come at him out of nowhere. Both he and Bones had some free time one evening – a feat with all the debriefings and talks that were going on at the time. They agreed to meet in Jim’s quarters, drink some bourbon, some beers, and just generally shoot the shit and talk about nothing in particular. They went down to sit on their respective corners of Jim’s couch and-

_The smell of the country air filled Spock’s nose. He was sitting on a porch chair facing his two best friends, Jim and Leonard. They had all gotten old. Age spares no one, so even Spock himself had a few wrinkles to show for his years. Leonard and Jim sat together on a whicker bench, arms about each other’s shoulders, drinks in their respective free hands. They are laughing like they are sharing a secret. Spock smiles._

The mind melt cut out with a painful suddenness, hurling Jim back into the present.

Jim ran to the bathroom instantly and hurled.

It wasn’t anything to do with the images, honestly. The idea of growing old together with Bones and Spock actually sounded fantastic, Jim thought. It’s probably hard to fathom, but if your brain is suddenly shot with memories that don’t actually belong there, the resulting vertigo leaves you feeling none too pleasant.

Bones ran to him and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. When Jim had finished being sick, he noticed that Bones was slowly stroking his hair. Calming.

It was nice.

~ ~ ~

Afterwards, Bones just assumed Jim had drunk too much, and Jim just played along.

But things would not go back to normal. At least, not for Jim.

The more he thought about it, the more he saw subtext in that one memory. Had it just been three friends relaxing together in old age? I mean, friends didn’t normally rest their arms over each other so casually. Did they?

Jim being, well, _Jim_ , decided to poke at the possibly explosive situation to see if maybe he could get some clarity.

Next time he and Bones were hanging out alone in Jim’s quarters, Jim tried it out.

They were watching a movie together. With an old western playing, the two of ‘em on the couch, Jim slowly, subtly, tries to reach his arm around the back of the couch. Not quite across Bones’ shoulders but it’ll do the job. Bones, of course, notices. He’s a cranky bastard but not an unobservant one.

He shoots Jim a look, face blank beyond the question in his eyes. Jim tries to keep his own face blank too. He doesn’t want to be suggestive unless he’s pretty sure that there’s no risk to their friendship.

Bones doesn’t seem to mind too much, it turns out. He just settles back into the couch and turns back to the movie with an indecipherable quirk to his lips.

That’s when the second memory attack hits-

_Jim, Leonard, and Spock are on planet. The enterprise has a weekend off on some planet not worthy of note. Jim had insisted they hit up a bar. Leonard had taken off for a refill of his bourbon, and Jim had followed. From his position at their table, Spock can see Jim saunter up to where Bones is ordering, and drape himself over Leonard’s back. Leonard, reasonably, recoils at that. He turns, notices it had been Jim, then, if the expression on his face is anything to go by, Leonard is lecturing Jim in his signature fashion. Going all “Damnit Jim, you can’t sneak up on a man like that,” likely accompanied by some obscure southern metaphor. Strangely, though, before Leonard can truly get into his scolding, his face changes, softens. From his new position across from Leonard, Jim slowly, sensually slides his hands across Leonard’s shoulders and smiles a coy smile. Bones smiles, then nods in silent agreement to a silent promise._

_Leonard and Jim then make their way back to the table, trying to appear innocent, and the night continues as a night out between the three of them usually does, with the added sexual tension in the air. Spock does not mind though. All he can think is,_

**_Finally_ ** _._

Again, Jim is thrust back to reality. Luckily, he is slightly more prepared this time, so he sits through his vertigo unbeknownst to Bones next to him.

The rest of the night Jim is haunted (in the best way) by images of him – the other him – and Bones – other Bones.

Somehow he never let himself openly acknowledge the possibility of _more_. He is attracted to Bones – he knew that – but he is also attracted to Uhura and that doesn’t mean he actually wants to sleep with her. But he can now admit he wants Bones in ways he never wanted Uhura – ways he never let himself think about before. He wants everything from fucking Bones into a panting pile of pleasure to solving puzzles with him on the carpet of his living quarters. It’s disconcerting.

It’s when Bones is walking Jim out – their movie finished – and Jim is thinking about what it would be like to pursue this possibility of _more_ with Bones that it happens.

Jim doesn’t remember making the decision consciously. It just sort of happened. One second he and Bones are walking to the exit from Bones’ quarters, the next second Jim has Bones pinned to the wall and is kissing him like Bones is air and Jim is drowning.

Jim kisses Bones like he wants to crawl under his skin and live there. He kisses Bones like he wants to be absorbed through his pores and invade all of Bones’ blood and tissues, to infiltrate the very essence of Bones’ being and then never leave. Jim kisses Bones.

And kisses him.

And _kisses_ him.

And Bones is kissing him back…

_He is kissing his best friend._

Jim pulls back abruptly.

He and Bones stare at each other for a second, both of them with wide, startled eyes. Bones blinks a few times then wipes across his mouth with the back of his hand, not breaking eye contact with Jim.

It’s somehow obnoxiously sexy, and Jim is instantly aware of his boner. Fuck.

“I- ah,” Jim attempts, “Pike wanted to see me early. Tomorrow. He said tomorrow so ah…” Jim fails utterly and looks anywhere but at Bones and his now glistening lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” Jim yelled as he made his escape out the door.

The next week was awkward. Unbearable even. Jim and Bones acted like normal, but two things had changed – they didn’t spend so much time alone together, and the air between them was charged as if things could go either way: fight or fuck (or both).

Jim was going absolutely insane. He didn’t think he could sit through another meeting with Pike where a random memory of not-him popped up in his mind.

Jim had now witnessed not-him and not-Bones signing the papers to adopt a fucking golden retriever puppy together; going to each others’ award ceremonies; kissing in all sorts of locations – maintenance closets, back rooms, under the stars, and even at their own fucking wedding. It was maddening and all kinds of inappropriate to see their wedding night while on the phone with his _mother._

If you know Jim Kirk at all, you know he isn’t really one for waiting around. Once a decision is made in his mind, he follows it to the end. So, when he finally had had enough, he took the logical next step. Or at least, to him it was the logical next step. To the rest of us it may seem superfluous when he could just go straight to Bones’ quarters and fuck him senseless, but it’s what Jim did.

It didn’t take long for Spock to open the door to his quarters and let Jim in. It was late at night but Spock had, by this point, stopped attempting to predict or analyze Jim’s behavior based on any standard models. The captain was anything but standard.

“I presume you have something important to discuss with me, Captain?” Spock inquired with a raised eyebrow.

“I need you to mind meld with me.”

Spock’s face made the closest thing to an expression of shock as Jim had ever seen.

“Excuse me, Captain?” Spock asked slowly.

“Ok. Ok. Sorry, uh… can I come in? I really, really need your help.” Jim said anxiously.

Spock moved aside to let Jim in, then regarded him curiously, inquiring with his eyes.

“Ok, so straight to the point. You know how I met you – other you, alternate universe you – on Delta Vega?” Jim began. Spock nodded.

“Well, so when I met him, he mind melded with me to catch me up on what was going on. Nero, and everything. But he… it messed up. I mean, it _worked_ but some things snuck in.” Jim regarded Spock, his expression desperate. “I’ve seen my future, Spock. I’ve seen how I – the other me – lived out his life. Not all of it yet, just bits and pieces, but these memories that snuck their way into my brain are sitting around like time bombs, and they keep going off at random moments. It’s driving me nuts! Will you just go in and bring ‘em all to light, so I can end the unwelcome surprises? Please? Please, Spock.”

Spock contemplated the request for a minute. It was an incredibly intimate act, a mind meld. He already considered Jim to be a friend. A comrade. He had internally assented to having a close friendship with the Captain, the same one his alternate self had mentioned, but jumping straight to it was another matter. And yet…

“Alright,” Spock said, knowing he could never leave the Captain in this much distress when he had the power to help. “I will help, but it may be mildly uncomfortable. I will have to root through your mind to find the hidden memories. The question is, do you intend for me to eradicate them, or do you wish to have access to them?”

It was Jim’s turn to process new, sudden information. “You… Delete them? You could get rid of them?” Jim asked astonished.

“If that is your wish, yes. I could remove in a similar way to how my other self placed them there, albeit by accident.”

“No. Don’t. Don’t take away anyof them,” Jim said with a sudden finality.

“Alright, Captain.” Spock nodded, “As you wish. Now, prepare yourself.” Spock said, lifting his hand to Jim’s face.

Jim closed his eyes.

~ ~ ~

_“Jim!” Bones called from the doorway to their house._

_“In here!” Jim called from their couch. He was reading on his PADD._

_Jim saunters in with his arms full of grocery bags from the store they both like. A family owned farm like you barely ever see anymore. They grow their stuff naturally, just like back in the day, minus all the weird pesticides._

_“I was thinking I could make us a fry up. Care to dine in tonight?” Bones asked._

_“As if I could say no,” Jim smirked and stood up to give Bones a peck to the side of his mouth before taking one of the bags from his arms and walking with Bones into the kitchen to unpack._

_~ ~ ~_

_Jim was walking up the steps of the academy steps, excited. His dad had always said it was a magnificent place, and damn, it was._

_That’s when Jim saw him. A man older than the rest of the cadets, but clearly in cadet garb, snapping bitterly at someone at the other end of a comm._

_“Damnit, Joce. I signed your fucking papers.  What more do you want from me?” The man scowled in anger, but underneath there was something much deeper._

_~ ~ ~_

_Jim was doing the laundry during one of their longer breaks from the ‘fleet on Earth. Mixed among Jim’s uniforms and civvies was Bones’ favorite t-shirt. Upon seeing it, Jim stopped and looked around. Seeing no one, he took a nice, long inhale of the scent that the shirt held before putting it into the wash among the rest of his laundry._

_~ ~ ~_

_Jim woke up to something warm under his cheek. He let out a few pleased noises before further burrowing his head in the warmth. That’s when he realized what it was…_

_Bones. He and Bones had been watching a movie when Jim fell asleep. Jim just slid over and just kind of passed out on Bones’ lap… And Bones had let him. Huh. That was odd. But there were hands in Jim’s hair gently combing through the strands, so Jim buried the embarrassment that wanted to rise to the surface and settled for going back to sleep instead. The hands in his hair never stopped._

_~ ~ ~_

_Jim Kirk loved his birthday. Growing up, his parents never held back. They would always do new and exciting things. One year, his father took Jim off planet to a cliff on some moon in the Laurentian system. This cliff was directly over a strong wind draft. Tourist companies in the area would get you suited up in skydiving-esque gear, and then you could “ride the winds” as they called it._

_It was totally accurate though. That birthday, Jim really did ride the wind. It had nothing on this birthday though._

_“Where are you taking me?” Jim demanded from behind his blindfold._

_“Somewhere,” Bones said deadpanned, as expected, but Jim could hear the smirk in his voice._

_“You know Bones, when a man is blindfolded by his boyfriend on his birthday, he expects hot, kinky sex. Not to be shoved into a car and dragged all the way to god knows where,” Jim grumbled._

_“Just you wait, Jimmy. Just you wait.”_

_They said nothing the rest of the car ride; they had long since been comfortable enough with each other to do that._

_When Jim heard Bones put the car into park, he perked up. If he were a dog, his ears would be up and his tail wagging. Bones opened Jim’s car door, grabbed Jim’s hand. Once Jim was out of the car, Bones placed his other hand on Jim’s lower back to lead him._

_If you have ever been blindfolded and dragged about by your friends, you know what it feels like. Despite your trust in the friend or loved one who is leading you about, every step feels like it will be the last, the one to make you fall. You are certain you are about to walk into a wall or pole._

_After the grand adventure across what must have been a parking lot and up some stairs, Jim was lead through some doors. Then he heard it. Barking. And mewling. He blinked a few times._

_It couldn’t be-_

_Bones pulled off Jim’s blindfold and Jim’s suspicions where confirmed. They were in an animal shelter. He turned to Bones with the biggest, happiest doe eyes._

_“We’re getting a dog?” Jim asked with audible delight._

_“Sure thing, darlin. Let’s go pick one out so we can bring it home. I’m curious to see if any of the wriggly things in the puppy room can keep up with your boundless energy.” Bones said warmly._

_In that moment, Jim fell for Bones all over again._

_~ ~ ~_

_Jim was crying. Sobbing. How was he sobbing? How could he even hurt this much after all these months?_

_Bones had died first. He shouldn’t have, but it kind of made sense in a twisted, painful way. It hadn’t been painful. They had both been old and well-used to the idea that death was on its way. Hell, it had been the nicest version of death, if Jim was honest with himself. He woke up wrapped around Bones, kissed his cheek, then noticed that Bones hadn’t been breathing._

_But 93 years was a_ really _long time to live. Jim hadn’t been as sad as one usually is with the death of a loved one because Bones wasn’t gone. He was just on the other side waiting for Jim to join, and Jim would when his own time came._

_Jim’s heart was slowly failing, his doctor had told him 2 months after Bones’ death. An appropriate metaphor. Jim’s heart knew he now belonged somewhere else – in the place that Bones was._

_Jim had spent the time since then slowly making his arrangements. His will needed to be amended, items given out, his (their) house cleaned up. He was slowly putting everything in boxes so that his (their) will could be more easily handled. He was sending things to Joanna, of course. In fact, Joanna was getting the most. Spock was getting a few things as well. That bastard Vulcan had quite a few more decades yet to go. Jim had smiled at the thought._

_While packing, Jim found the letter. An old love letter Bones must have meant for Jim to find much earlier. It was tucked into the cover of Jim’s old PADD._

_Jim,_

_We are getting married tomorrow, and I don’t think I’ve forgiven you for that yet, you bastard._

**_Married_ ** _, Jim. Fucking married like a couple of college kids. I thought I was done with that whole business when me and Joce got divorced, but then you came stumbling into my life and fucked it all up._

_By the way, who said you could happen to my life? I mean, honestly._

_The academy was hard enough without some strange freshman deciding he wanted to be my friend and talking about how cool his father was and how great space was. Fucking SPACE. But you didn’t quit no matter my grumbling. I’m a stubborn bastard, but I ain’t got nothing on you. You just wouldn’t take the hint that I didn’t want friends and just snuck your way under my skin and decided to stay there. You’re more stubborn than the roots of a peach tree. You just ain’t comin’ out._

_I think I can admit now, on paper, that I’ve loved you since the academy. I know we were in space almost a decade before anything really happened between us, but turns out I have always loved you. But you probably know that, you cocky sonofabitch._

_We’ve been in space for years now, but you know what, I think I don’t mind it so much anymore. Looking out of the ship, I can see the color of your eyes sometimes. And I love your smile so much that it’s hard sometimes for me to keep myself from kissing you. I want to make love to you under a sky full of twinkling stars and I want to buy a house with you. I want to hold your hand when you die so that from now until forever you aren’t alone. I want to look into the stars and know you are there, in the light that brightens the dark sky. I want to kiss you on the bridge in front of everyone but I don’t have to because I do that tomorrow._

_Tomorrow we make our vows and begin the rest of forever._

_Forever with you._

_I have to admit I really like the sound of that._

_Yours Always,_

_Bones_

_Jim didn’t know if the tears would ever stop. He fell onto the couch and cried and cried and cried. When his sobs deepened, his heart started jumping like it used to whenever Bones entered a room._

_Then Spock was there. His damned telepathy meant he knew when Jim was in pain. Spock was there saying something to him and checking his pulse, but Jim couldn’t hear. Jim didn’t care. Spock reached for the meld points but that was fine. ‘One last goodbye,’ Jim felt himself think simultaneously with his best friend._

_Jim’s vision faded like that. His last earthly sight was his best friend’s face and Bones’ love letter. Then Bones was kissing Jim and pulling Jim into his arms and toward the light._

_~ ~ ~_

Coming out of the mind meld felt like getting hit by a phaser on maximum.

“Fuck,” Jim cried out, tears streaming down his face, and passed out.

_~ ~ ~_

Once Jim had passed out from the mind meld, Spock had moved Jim up to his bed to rest. Spock had some residual emotional transfer from the mind meld so he had spent the time that Jim was unconscious meditating on the floor next to his bed. Now that Jim was awake, he ceased his meditation and turned to face Jim.

“I want to fuck Bones.” Jim said bluntly the minute he woke up.

Spock stared at Jim in lieu of a reply.

“I want to fuck him, probably forever, but I don’t want to fuck it up,” Jim amended. He knew he was being a baby, but he felt so out of his depth that saying something more accurate like ‘ _I’m in love with Bones and don’t know what to do about it_ ,’ wasn’t yet possible.

“I presume by ‘it’ you are referring to your amiable relationship with the Doctor?” Spock asked. Spock had learned from Nyota – and Jim actually, if he were being honest – that a little meddling could be a good thing. Spock had grown weary of seeing Jim and Leonard, the closest thing to t’hy’la that Spock had ever witnessed in humans, not see that they held the same regard for one another. Now that Jim was awake, Spock watched quietly as Jim tried to process this new self-discovery.

“Yeah. That.” Jim indicated, sitting up from his position on Spock’s bed.

Spock tilted his head quizzically, “What makes you think you risk ruining your camaraderie with the doctor by attempting further intimacy?” he asked, taking a place next to Jim on the bed.

Jim huffed. “Jeez, Spock, just look at me! I’m a walking, talking train wreck! I cause trouble everywhere I go, and yet I’m supposed to try to play boyfriend without fucking up? I may be foolhardy, but I’m not an idiot, or blind.”

“I beg to differ,” Spock countered, “You seem to be, in this case, a ‘moron’.”

Jim raised his eyebrows at his first officer.

“The good doctor has made up his own mind to be your companion and seems rather impervious to the chaos you carry around with you. While he does not seem to enjoy the injuries that often befall you, he seems content to ride the rough winds with you. He is the cloud of calm at the eye of your chaos.”

“And you think that’s okay? You think it’s okay for Bones to live his life walking along in the wake of my chaos? To sign up for that more intimately? More permanently?” Jim asked, astonished.

“I believe you are focusing on your own concern for Leonard rather than Leonard’s own obvious care for you. I believe he enjoys the liveliness that your company entails, despite the danger that often comes with it. Additionally, he seems to need you in much the same way you need him.”

Not knowing quite how to argue with that, Jim jumped to his next train of thought.

“Why were those _my_ memories? From the other me. Like, from my brain and not Spock’s?” Jim asked. “The ones before were mostly from the point of view of the alternate you, although, now that I think about it, some of those were also from my point of view….” Jim trailed off.

Something like discomfort came into Spock’s face. “As you saw in the final memory,” Spock explained, “when you died in the alternate universe to this one, I melded with you….” Spock trailed off remembering the shared sentiment of the memory.

_‘One last goodbye.’_

Spock tried to compose himself.

“So you think that some of my – the other me – ‘s memories went from me, to the other Spock, then back to me, the me-me?” Kirk asked, amused.

“Apparently,” Spock concluded.

“Well alright then.” Kirk said, going quiet once again, deep in thought.

“So what now?” Spock asked after a few moments.

That was the real question wasn’t it? What now? So many options had been taken away. Jim could no longer deny his attraction to Bones – his need for the man. Jim couldn’t pretend he didn’t see the same desire from Bones either. And now, Jim had the painfully exact knowledge of just how much he could gain with a relationship with Bones….

And so much to lose if he messed it up.

Feeling himself trapped in a cycle of want and fear, Jim made a decision.

James Tiberius Kirk was not a man who ever stopped because of fear. Fear would never rob him of the chance of a great future. He had not wanted nor expected to fall in love with Bones but here he was. And, honestly, this was a good thing. Bones was amazing and Jim wanted to have with Bones all of the things he had seen in his memories and more. Now he just needed to make a move on Bones. He could do this.

Jim turned to Spock, seeing a faint encouraging smile on his face.

“Thanks Spock. For everything”

“You’re quite welcome, Captain.”

Jim smirked. “I know you aren’t all that into earth customs or emotions but….” Jim trailed off, smirking wider, and surprised Spock with a hug of gratitude.

It was about this time that they both heard the slide of a door.

“Hey Spock, have you seen Jim? I’ve been looking for him all over and…” Bones stopped in his tracks, taking in what was in front of him. Jim and Spock embracing on Spock’s bed. Great.

Jim jumped immediately to his feet, chasing after a fleeing Bones. “No. Bones, wait! It’s not what you think!”

Spock fully smiled for the first time since the destruction of Vulcan.

 _Indeed_ , he thought, _they just needed a little push_.

_~ ~ ~_

Jim thought he had finally caught up to Bones when they reached Bones’ quarters. Instead, he found himself running face first into a closing door.

“Ow, that fucking hurts… Bones open the goddamn door!” Jim yelled as he rubbed his sore forehead.

“Go ‘way, Jim. I’m not in the mood to talk to you right now.” Was the muffled angry reply from inside.

“BONES!” Jim snapped, frustration suddenly reaching maximum. “That’s it. Time’s almost up. I’ve stupidly avoided you for a week. I’ve chased you across the whole goddamn ship. Now, you better open the door or I’m going to have this conversation about feelings through the wall and you can enjoy the consequences of the whole damn ship hearing about how much I want to suck your-”

The door to Bones’ quarters slid open and Bones pulled Jim in by the shirt collar with and aggressive and urgent motion.

Once inside, Jim did it again. He kissed Bones. Jim was pulled into Bones’ quarters where he grabbed Bones by the shirt collar much, like Bones had done to him, and he shoved Bones against the wall by the door, pinning Bones there with his body and kissing him.

He kissed Bones with a fervor that he had never really been able to call up in himself before. He had never cared this much about anything. He had never before had anything to lose.

Jim had soft lips meet soft lips in the hopes that Bones would taste the truth on his tongue. That Bones would just _know_ that, for Jim, there would never be anyone else.

Bones let out a moan and gave into the kiss, returning Jim’s fervor with an equal amount of his own. Tongues sought each other and battled for dominance. Jim shoved one leg forward, asserting it between Bones’ thighs, finding that Bones was just as hard as he was. Bones whined, reaching his hands up to the nape of Jim’s neck, holding Jim to him so that Jim couldn’t pull back even if he wanted to.

Jim didn’t want to.

Instead, Jim bit into Bones’ bottom lip and nibbled on it till he faintly tasted iron. Bones let out a little gasp. Jim trailed kisses down from Bones’ kiss-reddened mouth to his neck. Making a split decision, Jim bit again, this time on the side of Bones’ neck. Hard. Bones yelped and began to rut against Jim. Jim would have smirked if his mouth wasn’t busy sucking at the bite mark, encouraging it to bloom into a bright, deep red.

Any of the control that Jim usually carried around with him was gone, melted away by the pants, whimpers, and gasps of Bones as Jim did everything in his power to drive Bones to the edge.

Sucking on the other side of Bones’ neck Jim slipped his hands down to the bottom of Bones’ shirt, working his fingers under it go feel skin against skin. Bones reached down and halted his hands.

Picking possibly _the worst time ever_ to halt the proceedings, Bones shoved Jim away from him and stared at Jim’s face. Bones looked confused and hurt and Jim wanted to wipe it away once more with his hands and mouth. Bones wiped his mouth again, clearly not understanding how irresistibly sexy the gesture was, and then put on his usual scowl.

“God _dammit,_ Jim. You can’t just have everyone on this damn ship. You’re the captain but that doesn’t give you the right to go playing people!” Bones growled, shoving past Jim and going into the kitchen.

Jim followed.

“I’m not playing anyone, Bones,” Jim said, dropping his arms to his sides. Pleading Bones with his eyes, but Bones would not look at him.

“Seriously Bones this isn’t a game to me, and earlier with Spock wasn’t what it looks like.”

“Really?” Bones laughed harshly, pouring a too large helping of bourbon, “’cause it looked like you and Spock were canoodling in his quarters.”

“But that wasn’t what-”

“And you know what, that’s fine!” Bones continued turning on Jim suddenly. “If you want Spock that’s fucking fine! We are friends Jim, always have been. Nothing needs to change. I just wish you had _told_ me.” Bones looked away again and gulped at his bourbon, “whatever, its fine.”

Jim froze where he was. This is what it felt like. This paralyzing fear and anguish within him is what it felt like to have something, to want something so desperately, and to feel it begin to slip from your grasp. The cost of having something is that you can lose it.

Jim did not want to lose Bones in any capacity. Not as a friend, not as a lover. Not at all.

In the three seconds that Jim stood there in what felt like shock, his mind raced. Was this Bones way of saying he wasn’t actually that interested? It couldn’t possibly be, right? He and Bones were supposed to get _married_ for fuck’s sake. And Spock? Really? Like hell Jim wanted to date the Vulcan. Be friends, sure, good ones even, but lovers? That was ludicrous.

So was this jealousy? Was this Bones lashing out upon thinking Jim’s interests were elsewhere? Maybe… Probably… Right?

Fuck it all. Jim didn’t believe in no-win scenarios.

“Bones. Look at me right now.” Jim said in the kind of sudden calm that would send any sane person running. He moved to stand in front of Bones.

Bones, although sane, was not like other people. He would follow Jim to the edge of the universe in a single heartbeat. He took in a breath, gathering his courage for what he expected to be a painful, friendzoning speech, and looked up at the man he had been in love with for 2 years.

“Fuck Spock, Bones.” Jim said, “Or rather, I don’t – won’t – wouldn’t want to even if I could – fuck Spock.”

Bones’ brave face melted into confusion. And maybe a little bit of hope. He set his empty bourbon glass down.

“What actually happened in there,” Jim continued, “was that I asked Spock for help because…” Jim trailed off.

He looked into Bones’ eyes and what he saw there gave him the courage to move forward.

“becauseI’minlovewithyou” Jim said wayyy to quickly.

Bones’ eyes grew huge, taking the words in. Then, of fucking course, he started laughing. Literal, bending over, clutching his knees, tears streaming out his eyes, _laughing._

“Bones! You absolute ass!” Jim shoved him playfully, “I’m trying to tell you I’m in love with you so will you please not laugh in my face?”

But Bones couldn’t stop. The tension that had been building up in him for months, years even, was finally being released. Like a balloon with a puncture, Bones laughed until he ran out of air.  

“I love you too, you fucking idiot.”

**Author's Note:**

> Finished for now. Maybe later I'll write a smutty chapter 2?


End file.
